Noise
by koa-chan
Summary: She just never wanted to see him being ignored - or feeling ignored - when she's here and she can give him her everything and she loved him more than anything. / Utau/Ikuto


**A/N: **Been browsing the Shugo Chara section, and not much Ikuto/Utau material.

I've decided to make one. ;D

Flame me, criticize me, hate me for not making an Amuto thing, but this is my cup of tea. I will never pair up Amu and Ikuto. And I'll always love. Utau.

So, enjoy the angst.

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**NOISE.**

"Give up," she said. And she never ever thought she'd say that. To him of all people in the world.

She just never wanted to see him being ignored - or feeling ignored - when she's here and she can give him her everything and she loved him more than anything.

"She doesn't love you. I do."

It has happened. Amu admits she loved Tadase. Tadase, of course, loved his princess to death.

There's nothing Ikuto could do anymore. It's definite, official. Defined. He is, for lack of better words, rejected.

"Give it up, Ikuto. You'll just hurt more."

Like hell he cared, he wanted to say. Like hell he'd care. Ikuto thinks everything's worthless, but he can't give it up.

That is too hard.

That will make him face the truth.

Somehow he didn't want to.

"You're noisy."

Utau's heart had been hurt before. Had been scarred, wounded, broken. The pieces can't be glued together that easily. She knew that he didn't want to hurt her as much as he could. He knew that he's failing everytime. She knew that he knew that she can heal and still stand.

She can bear the pain.

"How about you? Give me up."

He loves his sister. Maybe more than he could imagine. But Amu.. Amu-

"It's the same reason you're holding on to."

"Then you are supposed to understand."

"I do understand. That's why I'm still standing here."

"Then why tell me to give up?"

"Because you're hurting too much."

"And you..?"

"You don't understand me."

"Noisy."

He didn't want to understand, but he does understand. If understanding would make him want her to give up, then it was hard, and wrong, and senseless. If understanding would make him give up, then it was just too much. Sometimes incoherency is better than making perfect sense of everything... because the truth could kill you when delusions and possibilities could only simply hold you back.

"Ikuto, please."

"Noise." was what he mumbled. He didn't like noise. It disturbed him too much. It gets unecessary attention. It's senseless. Nonsensical. Utau makes so much noise. Ikuto is tired of it.

"This is breaking you!" she insisted.

"And what you're doing isn't breaking you?" he countered.

She backed a step, but she kept her stance. She kept her head high, and her fists clenched, and her back straight. "I already am. What difference does this make?! Among everyone else, you should have known this so well!! Why? Because you're the reason behind it!"

She wasn't the type to bow her head in defeat or in defense. She was the type to face accusations downright and accept where everything went wrong. Her eyes don't shake; she's an actress. Her voice doesn't falter; she's a singer.

Utau was far stronger than him, and Ikuto knew that. It was hard to accept, but he had to, and he knows that if he doesn't, then he's just another big hypocrite.

"Noise." was all he was able to utter. Because he tried to think that is was unecessary and senseless. He was just another coward who doesn't want to face the truth. He lost.

Amu thinks he's important, a friend, an ally. A really close confidante.

But Ikuto is not Tadase. Damned lucky King. He practically won over the princess' heart.

Well, when did the cat and the princess end up together, anyways?

"Ikuto."

She likes to say his name as if it was music. Maybe for her it was music. Anything she says sounds like music, anyway. She IS the great Hoshina Utau.

Singer, actress, performer, celebrity, perfect dream girl.

In love with her own brother. Beyond common sense, sensible reason and reasonable doubt.

"Give it up!"

"Do you know how hard it is to do what you're asking?!" He refused and prevented the urge to pin her against the wall, hurt her in any way. He didn't like to shout at her, hurt her or even try to do so - but he was out his reason now. He's far too much of a mess right now.

He hopes she understands like she always does, and it was selfish of him.

But she replied. It sounded like music and he'll pretend it's noise. "And do you know how hard it is for me to ask you to do so?"

That was true. It was hard for her, telling him to give up all he's been fighting for just because it's hurting so much. She wanted to stop the hurt, but that will make him face the truth and face more rejection. It was hard for her to plead for his surrender after he's fought for it so much.

But she wanted him to return to her before he dies fighting. It would be a cowardly step for him to take - she was selfish like that. But she can't afford losing him completely.

"Please understand."

Utau was the kind to still look up directly and face him with no qualms, even with tears trickling down her pretty face.

Those tears made Ikuto realize that he was holding her shoulders too tightly, that he was glaring too much, and that he was shaking her harshly. And he said those things to her...

Hurting her in every way possible. Stupid of him. He was such a mess.

"You're suffering too much. I'm sorry..."

Her voice sounded like music.

He did nothing but loosen his hold on her shoulders and pull her close instead, pressing his lips lightly against her forehead. Apologetic, regretful. Grateful but guilty.

Three words. "I should be." It passed his lips as a mere whisper. Because it was true. He wasn't denying, and he knew that she'll hear him. She always did.

Because unlike him, she was selfless enough to hear music in his voice. Not noise. Everything he said was necessary for her. Everything makes perfect sense, as if they were just another set of notes in her music sheets.

She accepts everything even if he gains nothing. He's not worthy, he thinks.

Nobody is.

Her tears continue to fall and she holds him as close as the laws of nature would allow, and his lips still brush lightly against her forehead and her cheeks because that's all the comfort of apology he could give her. He wants to think that she's his sister and that's why he's doing this for her. He wants to think that there's nothing more than this, as much as he wished that he could return everything she gave up for him and heal the wounds he inflicted on her. He wants to think that he needs her even if she's not enough right now, and that she needs him even if he won't be able to give enough to suffice for her necessity of him. He wants to think that maybe someday he can help her as much as she helps him right now.

The noise continues, and he struggles to hear through it. He hopes she would sing. Maybe that'll save him.

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_**.finis.**_

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A/N: **Thanks for reading! Review is much, much appreciated.


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